Today, this 26th day of April in the year of our Lord 2016, The Ostrich Party officially announces our endorsement of Chris Farley as our candidate for president of United States of America! We'd like to take this special occasion to address why we, the dark elders of the Ostrich Party, have put our full support behind Farley. Please allow these pictures to demonstrate.
1. Farley looks a lot like "Nixon" here and that smells "presidential"
Obviously this is a picture of Bennet Brauer, a Chris Farley favorite. Sure, he's not "photogenic," or "camera friendly," or even "hygienic," but neither was Tricky Dick!
2. Some sort of military experience
Chris Farley is wearing camouflage here. Obviously he knows a little something about how to handle the complex diplomatic situations and longtime strife in The Middle East or wherever things are going shitty right now.
3. His housing policy is simple
Don't end up 35-years-old in a van down by the river!
4. Two obvious words
5. Healthy school lunches
Move over Michelle Obama! We've got the Lunch Lady. No more pictures in our Facebook feed of what schoolchildren are eating in Denmark!
6. We've already made Farley 2016 T-shirts
No better reason to vote for somebody than that you've already ordered the tees.
So vote for Farley in 2016 and show your support with the T-shirt and sticker!