December 19, 2018

10 Times Philadelphia Flyers Gritty Mascot Showed That He Gives No F's

Philadelphia Flyers Mascot Mimics Kim Kardashian

Let’s be real: most sports mascots are irrelevant. And even when they’re not totally irrelevant, they’re only funny in a cheesy “this-would-be-funnier-if-I-was-5” type of way. But everything changed last fall, when the Philadelphia Flyers debuted a better mascot than we’ve ever seen before.

We’ve got to start with a little backstory, because this marked a big milestone for the Flyers. The Philadelphia Flyers briefly had a mascot in 1976. His name was Slapshot, and apparently he wasn’t much of a success. You know what comes next? He was quickly kicked to the curb.

After that failed season the Flyers didn’t have a mascot… until now. It may have taken over 40 years, but Philly fans have finally been blessed with the hockey mascot they deserve. After all, what makes the Philadelphia Flyers gritty on the ice is the same thing that makes Philadelphia cheesesteaks unbeatable on the streets. There’s a need to be the best, and that unspoken charm is what Flyers’ new mascot signifies. Straight. Up. Grit.

It all began on September 24, 2018, when the Philadelphia Flyers Gritty mascot made his first appearance. Suddenly, a star was born. Like, literally.

Mascots are supposed to be weird looking, but no one was prepared for just how ugly this motherfucker looks. His shaggy appearance and googly eyes instantly got people talking, and there’s no sign of his popularity slowing down.

Since his debut, Gritty has taken the country by storm. He appeared on Jimmy Fallon and the Philly City Council loves our dude so much that they passed a formal resolution honoring Philadelphia Flyers Gritty for his embodiment of Philly’s spirit and passion. (Not sure why our tax dollars are being used for this stupid shit. But if any mascot is going to be formally honored, Grit deserves it.) Hell, we even made a Gritty mascot t-shirt.

Philadelphia Flyers Gritty Mascot T Shirt

Gritty is funny, irreverent, and everything we never knew we needed. Here are 10 times when the Philadelphia Flyers’ Gritty mascot showed that he gives no fucks – and made Philadelphians proud in the process.

When Gritty Memed Kim K

Gritty’s got a fat ass, and he was quick to show it off in a spoof of Kim K’s infamous Paper Magazine cover.

Kardashian, who?

… And then sent her a thirst trap

As much as we’d like to say “goodbye” to Kim Kardashian, she’s the ass that won’t go away. So honestly, can we even blame our Gritty mascot for thirst trapping her?

When Gritty Danced To “Pony”

Even if R&B isn’t your thing, “Pony” is one of those songs you just know. Grit busted a move with a hot news reporter, and we don’t blame him for shooting his shot. High five, dude.

When Philadelphia Flyers Gritty Sank A Half-Court Shot

Speaking of shooting his shot, the Philadelphia Flyers Gritty isn’t a one-trick pony – even when he is dancing to said song. He is a jack of all trades and master of every single one, as evidenced by the fact that he can sink a half-court shot like no one’s business. #yourfavecouldnever

When Philadelphia Flyers Gritty Ate Rotisserie Chicken

We’d all like to pretend that we’ve never stooped low enough to eat a gas station taco – even when it’s true.  (Hey, we all have skeletons in our closets.) But Grit has shown us that it’s okay to let your guard down and show the world the truth: he eats grocery store takeout (and so do you).

When Philadelphia Flyers Gritty Threw Shade At Soccer

Soccer is cool and all, but we all know what real football is here in the U S of A. Thankfully, Gritty knows too.

When He Tackled Sumo Wrestlers… Then Kicked Them In The Ass

No, really. He did. Dude’s a savage.

When Philadelphia Flyers Gritty Destroyed Aquarium Merchandise

Well, not technically destroyed merchandise. But he definitely fucked up some shelves and ruined the day of the minimum-wage employee forced to clean up his mess.

When He Hits On Straight Tens

Which is everyday, to be honest. Watch out: Gritty might slide in your girl’s DMs.

When He Was TIME Magazine’s Person Of The Year

Well this one isn’t quite true… but it should be.

What you’ve just seen here is the embodiment of true blue Philadelphia grit. Gritty may look like a Muppet who didn’t make the cut – and now spends him time drinking cheap 40s out of a brown paper bag – but that doesn’t make us love his ugly ass any less.

Written by Patrick McManis